Baxter likes to hide to get my goat. Even with a bell on his collar he knows how to step quietly and pick a new spot to rest without a sound. Of course, if he’s not in sight, I go to his usual haunts first to find him, but that doesn’t always work. When he really wants to hide, he picks a new place, one he has never visited before where he fits in seamlessly. Under the bed is a common one, but once I found him between the pillows on the bed pretending to be a match for the Steeler bear I have tucked there. He was one more fuzzy face with the stuffed animal. He has been behind the curtain in the bathtub, in the corner of the closet, and on a chair under the dining room table -- always fitting in so well he is hidden from sight. Sometimes for a few seconds I get a twinge of anxiety when I can’t find him. Is he lost outside and encountering other critters who may not be very friendly? But then he shows up with a look like “I got you!”
Sometimes God seems to be hidden from our lives as well. When times get difficult at work or at home, when tragedy strikes, when our hopes get dashed or our worries overwhelm us, God can be hard to find. We look and look in all the usual places, and they are empty. Praying and coming to Mass are a struggle to stay focused and involved. Conversations with friends and family can be strained. The beauty of creation and the excitement of a special occasion are lost in the dull grayness of wondering what it’s all about. New life turns sour with the bitterness of pain and loss of whatever kind, and we turn fearful and depressed with the thought that there is nothing more for which to hope.
Then God shows up again, sitting in front of us with a knowing look and a kind smile. “I just wanted to let you know who is in charge here” seems to be the message. Happiness is not about controlling our world, but living in it with confidence that we are not alone even when we can’t clearly see where the divine spark of love is set off. God’s silence is not a trick to deceive us, but a way to send a different message. You cannot penetrate the mystery of life and death. The mystery will penetrate you and bring you to a new and deeper understanding of God’s goodness and generosity. Just because God is out of our sight for a while does not mean that we are out of His. He quietly watches us in our doldrums, staying close at hand but not interfering, ready to reappear when the time is ripe for us to appreciate what He brings to our lives — meaning, belonging, hope for the future and consolation in the present. God doesn’t fix all of our problems, but He places them in a setting where we can fix what we can and learn to live with the brokenness only He can heal in His time.
When God is hiding, we learn to seek Him more intently. When He is silent, we learn to listen more carefully. We come to see what our faith truly brings to our lives, not easy answers or pleasant routines but a deep sense of the holy that undergirds and sustains us. God is always there, but not always in the same place in the same way. He is too great to be captured in a moment, an experience, a thought or an action. He sometimes seeks new places in our lives, places previously unknown to us, which can soon offer a new twist on the saving mystery of death and resurrection. After all, before Christ, who would have thought of looking to the cross as the place of victory over sin and death. God was hiding there, and believers eventually came to see the new life won for them in that place.
Hide and seek is a children’s game where we try to come home free before we are caught. Baxter often beats me at this game with his tricks. God is even better at it. When He hides in our pain and sorrow, our desire for His love grows, and if we don’t give up, He finally declares to us, “Ollie, Ollie in free!” Sin and death are conquered. New life is won. The Holy Spirit is set free.
