Cats are very protective of their underbellies. They usually guard them literally with claws bared. Their stomachs are very sensitive, and they keep them hidden from any third party intrusion. They know they are vulnerable in this area, so they let no one near for fear of harm. Baxter was that way for a long time. However, more recently, he has begun to roll over on his back and look for a scratch on his stomach. He starts to purr when I pat his pure white underside, and he continues his pleasant disposition as long as I am soft and gentle in my approach. When he has had enough, he jumps up and walks away, and I have to respect the boundaries he sets. Baxter has come a long way in relying upon me and trusting in my care for his well-being.
We all have our own soft underbellies--things about us that we are sensitive about. Maybe they come from past hurts, experiences that directly wounded our relationship with someone due to an insult, a betrayal or a disagreement that remains unresolved. Maybe they come from our expectations of ourselves or others. We have certain unwritten rules of how others should talk and act, and when they don’t meet these rules, we are offended. Of course, the other person may not know the rules, and not even realize they are offending us.
Maybe our sensitivities come from our backgrounds. We all carry the baggage we inherited from the way we were raised. Some of this baggage is heavy. We react to situations and people not out of the present relationship, but in terms of what we felt and understood from our pasts. This can cause a problem. We automatically begin to protect ourselves based on what we learned from an earlier unpleasant experience. The person presently in our life isn’t aware of our past, and so he or she cannot understand where we are coming from and why we are acting as we do. There’s no trust here, and the relationship is always weighed down for unclear reasons.
These sensitivities don’t just affect our family and friendships. They also influence our spiritual relationships. How we connect with God and with the Church come from past personal experiences, from what we learned either formally or informally, and from the religious background we bring to our present faith life. We may have been hurt by a personal tragedy and blame God for it. We may have encountered someone in the Church who was rude and intolerant, and we write every church person off because of them. We may have expected God to do certain things for us, and feel disappointed and betrayed that He didn’t come through. We may feel betrayed by the Church because some of its members have failed gravely and were dishonest about it. We may feel threatened by God or abandoned by Him because of what we were taught about God’s ways from our backgrounds. We may feel dismissed and disrespected because of the way authority was exercised in the Church. Whatever it might be, the effects are clear. We feel distanced from God and a stranger in God’s house. We are afraid to become vulnerable to the love and care of our God, and to allow God’s people to express this love and care towards us.
We can learn from Baxter. First, it takes time to build or rebuild trust. We cannot slough off the past in the blink of aneye. It takes time for feelings to heal, for ideas to change, for relationships to grow. Second, put the past behind us and live in the present. Take new people at face value, unless they become two-faced to us. Forgive the past, and we will release the power of grace in the present moment. Third, dare to think differently. There is always more to God than we at first imagine. God does not rescue us from life’s pain and loss. He saves us from allowing that pain and loss to sap our lives of meaning and caring for each other. Loving despite the hurt is what Jesus showed us on the cross. Finally, don’t be afraid of the feelings. We have permission to be angry, confused, frustrated or hurt when others take advantage of our vulnerabilities. Read the Book of Lamentations, the Psalms, or Jesus on the cross. Just don’t get stuck there. God can empathize with our pain, but He won’t allow us to wallow in it. Resurrection follows suffering and death as the powerful mystery of life.
Baxter has learned to expose his tender underbelly to a loving touch. We can too, and it’s God’s hand on us.
-Monsignor Statnick
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