I get many compliments on what a great dog Charlie is often. It is true, for the most part he is a really good dog. But, why do other people tell me that? It doesn’t hurt that he is really quite handsome. Something about his butterscotch color with the white accents is just pleasing to the eye. His fur is also exceptionally soft, so petting him is really a pleasure. He isn’t too big either. At just 40 lbs., he isn’t an ankle biter, and he isn’t imposing. Ultimately though, his calm demeanor and friendliness toward people is what wins them over, I think.
Charlie is always interested in making new friends, but he doesn’t forget about the ones he already has, either. One of the great things about dogs is that they really sense their owners attitudes. From what I have heard, cats do much the same. If their owner is sick, the pet will stay right by their side. The same is true when the owner is sad. Somehow pets just seem to have a sixth sense about what is going on with their people.
I remember when I lost a really close friend. The news came in that morning, and I could not stop crying. I was devastated. Charlie didn’t know what to do. He just knew his mistress was upset. So, he did the best thing a dog can do. He sat in my lap and let me cry into his fur until I didn’t have any tears left.
When people in our life are having a hard time or aregrieving, it’s hard to know what to do. We are in such an immediate gratification culture that it’s hard to process problems that just take time.
We want answers when there is a problem, and we want them NOW. We ask our friends or maybe our parents, and sometimes, we even ask Google. How can I solve this problem that I am having?
It can be even more difficult to be the person called upon to have the answer! You rack your brain, give similar experience stories, or tell of what others have done in the same situation.
Whether we have a problem, or are trying to help with the problem having the right answer always seems to be the key. If you are able to come up with it, somehow you are the hero.
But, maybe that isn’t what’s always necessary.
I spend my fair share of time in our bereavement groups we have every spring and fall. There are two very particular things that I have noticed about these groups. The first is that there are no answers when you have lost a loved one. The second is, that when a person is suffering a loss the thing they need most is a friend who will listen without judgement, or answers.
Death and dying aren’t things we talk about much in our culture. It’s taboo and that’s because it’s scary. Who wants to think about their loved ones dying? But, the disservice we do to ourselves by not talking about it is that we aren’t prepared when death comes.
I don’t mean prepared for loss. Nothing can ever prepare you for that. I mean knowing that grief is a journey through uncharted wilderness and that it takes time. I mean knowing that being sad when you lose a loved one is normal. I also mean that we need to learn to be prepared to be that listening ear for others when they are suffering. We get caught up in having the answers and finding a solution. Mostly you’ll find that a person in pain just wants you to sit and listen. Listen to how much that person meant to them and what they are going through. They need to know you are there.
God is there for us too, but part of our Christian understanding is knowing that God reaches out to us through others. We can be the face of Christ to one another by listening and offering comfort to those in pain.
That little dog of mine has been there to hear my cries and dry my tears. The world would be a better place if we could learn to do the same for one another. Right, Charlie?
-Christy Cabaniss
