Via petfinder.com I found a 9 year old golden mix named Charlie in Youngwood. I had a late evening planned at the office, so for my lunch break, I had Robert meet me at the shelter so we could see if this Charlie was the dog for us.
When we arrived, the lady in charge had me fill out an application, which was actually pretty complicated. I needed to include my social security number, place of work, and three personal references. They wanted to know who lived in our house and their ages. How we would discipline our new dog was also required information. They wanted to know if our yard was fenced, and how much time the dog would spend outside. I also had to sign a contract that said that if for any reason I felt the dog was beyond my capacity to care for, I was to return the dog to them at the shelter.
Although that Charlie was not to be our dog, we were approved as possible pet parents. I feel certain that the complex application helped us to eventually adopt OUR Charlie from the shelter in Greensburg.
I often hear from people how complicated it can be to adopt a dog from a shelter, because the shelter staff really wants to keep these animals safe and well cared for. What’s difficult is an application can never cover what having a pet is really like. For instance, having a fence seems like a safe way to contain a dog, but not Charlie. He has to be supervised when in the back yard in case he decides to jump said fence. No application can fully anticipate the specific needs of a pet.
Unfortunately, we often apply an application mentality to our relationships with one another. Dating sites are prime examples. If someone meets all my criteria, then they are suitable to date or even marry. We expect our kids to live up to application standards as well. They have to be able to “check all the boxes” so to speak. Even when we think we are living outside of others’ standards, casual conversation can bring up those feelings of guilt when we’re not keeping up.
This approach to relationships creates a superficiality that lacks the depth that characterizes intimate relationship. Feeling that we will only be loved if we meet outside standards builds a level of uncertainty and distrust into our relationships. Not being assured that another will be with you through thick and thin creates insecurity, which leads to pain and hurt.
God’s love is unconditional, but how can we even begin to understand that when we constantly put standards on our love of one another?
Relationships can’t be relegated to simple expectations and returns. Love is to desire the best for another and we should be seeking that in the context of the other, not according to our own wants or standards.
That puts a whole new spin on marriage. We shouldn’t be looking for a person who meets our standards, but instead be the person who strives to love beyond standards. We don’t look for the best spouse, we attempt to be the best spouse possible. When we stop putting all kinds of requirements on each other to earn love, we can be free to love as Jesus taught us. And really, isn’t that we are supposed to be about?
Marriage is supposed to be our human example of how Christ loves his church. We have to be willing to let go of all the superficial conditions to love each other fully. Being loved unconditionally creates assured and trustful relationships. No application could ever create that.
Charlie is a special dog, with special needs. He is loved for his doggy self, not for what I knew about him through our application process. We would do well to put down the standards and love each other as we are.
