Sometimes Baxter spends long hours alone. All of his physical needs are cared for, and I usually leave a radio playing so that he has some pleasant sounds in the background. But I can tell that at times he gets lonely. When I come back from my absence, he waits for a long scratch on the back, and then he rolls over for a gentle rub on the belly. He purrs and purrs, and he won’t leave my side. Finally, he jumps on my lap and finds his comfortable spot to fall asleep for a half hour or longer. That seems to reassure him that I will always come back and care for him. After that routine, Baxter is his old self again.
We all get anxious and ill at ease about feeling alone and abandoned. It may come to us when someone we love deeply dies, or when we find ourselves in new and strange circumstances with no familiar face around. It may happen when the children have moved from the homestead to start their own lives, or when we move from the house where the family was raised to downsize and enjoy a simpler life in retirement. Loneliness is the residue we feel when the familiar is gone, the routine is changed, and the people with whom we are most comfortable have moved to another setting with new people. It’s a mixed emotion, part sadness, part anxiety, part insecurity and a general unease with the new situation in which we find ourselves.
What can we do about it? We can’t avoid or prevent it. People die, move, grow up as part of living. We can, however, learn to start over when the unfamiliar takes over our lives. A few simple lessons may help. First, if we insist on nothing changing, then we are doomed to be lonely. We need to let go of the way things were to embrace the way they are now. That means we have to try new ways of living to set new routines in our life, because it is the routines that set our comfort zones back in place. Next, we have to be open to inviting new people into our life when the familiar faces are gone or are not there as much. At first, this may feel awkward and we may be tentative with each other, but keep at it. In time, a comfort zone is found with new friends over common interests, concerns or work together, and then they become familiar to us. Finally, don’t think that it has to be the same as before to be good now. Life is broad and flexible. It can twist and turn in many directions without falling apart. Although the routines and the familiar faces may be different, they can still be nourishing to our spirit and form connections that we learn to value as much as the former ones. They don’t replace loved ones lost or erase cherished memories of days past, but they add to these with new faces and experiences. The human heart is ever expandable to take in more of life and the people who make living worthwhile, if we allow it to grow.
As Catholic Christians we have an obligation not to become lonely, stodgy and bitter people. We have been given of God’s own Spirit to break down the barriers that isolate us from each other. We live by the grace of God to find new connections to each other. We are meant to adapt to various circumstances and people, just as the incarnate God did in Jesus and continues to do in the Spirit that moves in our world. Our God is a communion of life, and loneliness has no place in His life. To follow Him is to refuse to give in to the forces of isolation and division which keep us apart. Our God is ever new, recreating the face of the earth as we discover new relationships within the created order and among the peoples of this earth. When we feel lonely, we need to turn to God and ask for His grace to lead us to new people and events that embody His love and salvation for us.
Don’t worry, Baxter. I’ll never abandon you.
